‘I’m a football manager who prides himself on tactical knowledge and the way I assemble teams’.

For many Newcastle United fans, they’re still waiting to see this happen. Even the most forgiving of Geordies must have felt nauseous, after watching the first half debacle against Everton on Monday evening.  Heck, even Sting would have gone all Keith Moon and hurled his TV out of the window. Gary Neville gave a scathing half time analysis live from the Sky Sports studio: ‘It’s been a nightmare’, whilst Jamie Carragher was just lost for words: ‘I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe what I’m seeing’, he shrieked, insufferably.  By this point, I’ve chose to load up Netflix and watch the last ever episode of Breaking Bad; Walter Hartwell White wouldn’t have put up with this shit.

But shit is what Pardew has been pedalling for too long. The warning signs were there from the start, despite finishing fifth. His side leaked five goals against both Spurs and Fulham, dropped points at home against West Brom and Wolves and then got battered 4-0 by a Wigan team that were eventually relegated. Oh, and let’s not forget our dreadful domestic cup record. Last season saw Pardew make arguably some of the poorest decisions I have seen from a Newcastle manager in recent time; persistently selecting his underperforming blue chip boys, using players in unfamiliar positions and just plain inept substitutions, you could say, cost us up to 12 points. In the last eight Premier League games at St James’ Park, Newcastle have score a mere 6 goals, but conceded a shocking 13; the fortress is slowly crumbling. Pardew’s overall win percentage at Newcastle is a woeful 37%, which is less than the forlorn figures of Messrs Dalgish, Souness and Roeder. The stats don’t lie, I’m afraid.

I have friends and fans from many circles. Some of which have the patience of a Grasshopper, travelling the country whether it be a Saturday afternoon or Monday evening, home or away. Sadly, it is those types of fans that are now beginning to lose their enthusiasm and are set to join the rest of us in pure apathy. Pardew is not entirely to blame though. Mike Ashley missed the boat last season by not strengthening the squad in the summer, missed it again by not sacking the manager this summer and then hired a man who has the early signs of dementia as Director of Football. That’s Mike Ashley for you, an impulsive character who moves in peculiar ways. Every fan now knows he’s a SuperScrimper of the highest order; he probably wraps up McDonalds toys for his kids on Christmas Day. But alas, he is the owner and there’s not a great deal that will change that. Sports Direct will continue to be the fruits of his labour and I’m resigned to the fact, like most fans now, that Newcastle will never truly experience success under his regime; you just can’t run a football club like a cheap sports shop. It’s impossible. But for now, in the short term, perhaps he can do the right thing. Hiring a real, honest leader, who encourages positive football and can motivate his team, would give the crowd a much needed lift. A manager who can organise a defence, but in chorus, bring the best out of our attacking flair, whilst getting the side to be a danger from set pieces, would be an added extra. He can free the Geordie public from the prehistoric dross that is currently on display. It would certainly bring the excitement and optimism back, that’s for sure.

The question I asked most friends and fellow season ticket holders last year was, were Newcastle good value for money? Were they worth the ticket price? I then asked, from the nineteen home games you attended last season, how many of these did you actually enjoy watching? The responses were depressing. On paper, Newcastle has a strong side. A side capable of achieving a top half finish this season. Sadly, we are stuck with a great pretender, whose highest achievement in football is a Johnstone’s Paint Trophy.  I received a text from a mate the other night; it was line from our man Pardew, dated back to last year:

‘Forget about Everton. We operate in a different league to them. We have put ourselves in a similar position to Arsenal’.

I laughed and couldn’t help but think of a great Larry David quote: ‘There’s a jet stream of bullshit coming out of your mouth, my friend.

Amen. It’s time to move on, Alan.     


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  1. John

    Good article. 37% win ratio pretty much sums up his time here. Regardless of what happens on Saturday, he must go. He's not the man to take us forward and the large majority of fans now realise that. The only problem is, Ashley could easily hand the job to Kinnear and then we'll be further up the creek!

    • Craig

      Cheers John.

      Ashley can be daft, but I'm not sure he's daft enough to give Kinnear the job, at least I hope not!


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